I’m scared too

I chose the military career and have never regretted it. As a child, I dreamed of saving the world but with metal toy soldiers everything was simpler. I decided on the team squad and almost always won the battle… in short, sitting on the floor of my room, the war didn’t scare me.

Now I am in Castelnaudary, on the Spanish borders and I am doing field exercises waiting to be summoned for the next mission. Every day we have a schedule to follow with workouts that put a strain on my willpower and physical resilience. There are times when I think I can’t make it and I can’t stop thinking about my family.

I miss them!

I’m a man before being a soldier, although sometimes many people forget it and unlike what I may seem, strong and confident, I’m scared too.

The fear of the violence I’m forced to practice in defense, the fear of not seeing my daughter again, the fear of getting lost in the long corridors of my beliefs but especially fear of waking up one day and not knowing who I was before wearing the uniform.

So I’m holding on everything that takes me back to my most intimate dimension, such as the sunset I’m observing from the tent where I live, which is so close to touch it with my hands, as if to remind me that if we all look same sky, we will never be so far apart.

Fortunately, even today the stars are the only lights that illuminate the night and, in the silence that surrounds me, I listen to my heartbeat and pray. Fear loosens its grip and I finally fall asleep… like a man… like a soldier… like Mirko.