I do it for you!

How many times have you heard or said these words:

“I do it for you!”

It usually happened within the narrowest circle of acquaintances, with family members and friends; for example, a parent could tell their child following a reprimand; a friend to another in a discussion. And so suddenly you’re invested by feelings of guilt and you begin to think that you are ungrateful, if you are the one who receives the observation.

“Well if he or she did it for me… for my sake… why should I get so mad. I’m ungrateful”.

Instead your feeling is correct. That sense of discomfort in feeling accused of something that has been done for you, but without having asked for it, is inappropriate.

But instead of getting angry, because it wouldn’t change things, you should immediately get rid of that sense of guilt that doesn’t belong to you.

On the other hand, if you are the ones who believed they were acting in the interest of the other, without asking them, well don’t expect consent or even recognition. Be honest, you did it for yourself in the first place.

“I actually did that because it made me feel calmer, thinking it was the right thing to do. But it was only right for me, actually.”

So next time, if we really wanted to feel useful for someone, maybe we could ask them a simple question first:

“Can I do something for you?”